Boredom – – -one of the silent drains in marriage.
If you’ve been married any bit of time, you know that every marriage goes through seasons, but you may also know that seasons change! And the couples that learn the strategies to navigate the challenging seasons are the ones that come out stronger than ever!
And the truth is, boredom in marriage happens more often than we think, the issue is that most people won’t admit it! But no worries, you don’t have to admit it to your friends, but you do want to admit it to yourself! That is the first step to making the necessary changes!
Actually, the idea of boredom in marriage shouldn’t come as a surprise as quickly as we get bored in our lives overall! Most of us upgrade our phones every other week, switch our cars every other year and move more frequently than our parents ever did. No wonder we find ourselves restless in marriage.
One of the mistakes many couples make is saying “I do” on their wedding day but then they stop DOING what it takes to strengthen their romance. I found in my work with couples, that the realization that you must nurture your romance gets lost in the “day-to-day” life management.
Again, once we’ve been married awhile we understand that it’s easy to keep things exciting when you are filled with that “NEW LOVE” and you are on a romantic high – – – but the real work occurs when you face real life together over an extended period of time!
Boredom in marriage can also be described as martial apathy or even unintentional neglect! What does that mean? It’s simple; couples put their marriage on the back burner without even realizing it!
So how do you know if this is an issue for you and your spouse? There are certain things you should consider:
- If you are honest, have you and your spouse stopped doing the fun things you did early on in your marriage?
- Do you and your spouse rarely (if ever) break out of your day to day, year by year routine?
- Do you and your spouse have a hobby, past time that is just for the two of you?
Based on how you answered those questions, you might be dealing this issue in your romance!
Okay, so what now? If this is an area of concern for you and your spouse, what can you do?
Check out a few suggestions to help you and your spouse put some pep in your marriage step!
- BE HONEST
While this isn’t a comfortable conversation, it doesn’t have to be overly challenging. You aren’t necessarily saying that your spouse is boring, but that you simply want to add some spark to your marriage. Take responsibility for your part and even make some suggestions of what the two of you can do differently.
2. MANAGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS
While we are talking about boredom in marriage, we do need to be realistic! Adulthood comes with responsibility and that means we can’t expect every day to be filled with excitement. There needs to be a consistency to create safety, so be careful not to minimize the importance of security in your marriage.
3. DO A SELF-CHECK
Boredom in marriage is real, but it can also be confused with personal self-dissatisfaction. It is so easy to have personal frustrations and project those frustrations onto our spouse. Do the self-work to ensure that your concerns are really related to the dynamics of your marriage.
4. TAKE TURNS
One person shouldn’t be solely responsible for maintaining the FUN in your romance. Spontaneity shouldn’t be one-sided, but it may need to be scheduled! Sounds like an oxymoron? Not really! If you and your spouse take turns in being the person responsible for creating fun, exciting and new opportunities then that means you take turns in being surprised at what’s to come!
5. JOIN IN
Does your spouse have a hobby or a past time that they love but you haven’t really engaged in? Maybe you can join in and support them or even participate in the activity with them. It may be just the thing to set the two of you on the right track!
6. HAVE FUN
Isn’t that the moral of the story? Isn’t that the whole point? It’s time for you and your spouse to have some good ole’ fashion fun! But it’s one thing to talk about it; it’s another thing to DO something about it! If you follow the work I do, you will always hear a constant theme…INTENTIONAL! You and your spouse must be intentional about scheduling time together to do the things that you enjoy! It doesn’t have to be expensive or extensive…but it should be consistent! Go have some fun!
If you need a jump-start to getting rid of boredom in your marriage, why not join us for the Valentine’s Day “L.O.V.E.Y.O.U. Challenge” starting February 7th! Click HERE for details!