Ever wonder why your romance feels dull and maybe even distant? We often look for the “BIG” things that destroy relationships while ignoring the “…little foxes that destroy the vine” (Solomon 2:15). If we are honest, we can admit that over time we become consumed with the demands of life and before we know it, we have unintentionally neglected one another. And if we continue to neglect one another, we find ourselves living in the same house but living separate lives. But there is hope! Many times it just takes simple steps to invest in your relationship. Today, consider committing to at least 4 of these practical and simple strategies (consistently!!) and watch what happens to your romance!
- Wave the white flag and declare a truce
Many times when the pressures of life become overwhelming we take it out on those we are closes too. That leads to us snapping at our spouses for little (or maybe not so little) irritations. But today, wave the white flag. Acknowledge that you have been irritable and that you want to declare a truce. Doing this will go a long way to reconnecting you to your partner.
2. Remember why you said “I do”
After dealing with bills, house maintenance, the kids, in-laws, the car that stopped working….you sometimes forget why you decided to start this life in the first place. But don’t let the drama of life make you forget why you said “I do”. A fun way to remember is based on how many years you’ve been married; use that number to make a list of why you love your spouse or why you said “I do”. Give it to them as a surprise and watch how special they feel!
3. Play hooky
Maybe you don’t have the time or the resources to leave the city for a vacation or get-away. But most of us can take one day off from work! So, coordinate with your spouse and stay home for the day! You can either explore your city together or simply stay at home and bum out all day. The goal is to make it a full day just for the two of you.
4. Invest in your spouse’s interest
Is your spouse a sports lover or maybe really into crafts? Find a way to invest in what they are passionate about. Maybe you can purchase tickets to a local game or maybe pay for a yearlong subscription to a magazine that is focused on what they enjoy. Simply find a way to show that you are paying attention to what is important to them.
5. Do what they do
Most of us show love the way we need love. Of course we should figure out our spouses love language or “Relational Needs” and love them the way they best receive it. But most often we fall back to our default…loving the way we want love. So, pay attention to what your spouse does for you and give that back to them!
6. Take a class together
Learning together helps you grow together. Identify a new skill, principle or hobby that you’d like to learn about and take a class. This also gives you a set time weekly or monthly to be together!
7. Spice it up
Love making does not have to be routine! Spice up your sex lives in fun and flirtatious ways! Come up with a word that represents “I am ready” to one another and say it to your spouse while out in public. Example: Honey, I can’t wait to go to the CIRCUS!!! Having a secret language, handshake or look can be an easy way to entice one another discreetly.
8. Group date
Hanging out with like-minded couples is a great way to refresh your romance. Creating a bond with other people can help you stay accountable in your own marriage. Arrange a bowling, put-put or dinner outing with a few friends once a month or at least 3 or 4 times a year.
9. De-Clutter your bedroom
It’s really hard to be sexy when you have your daughters “baby doll” in the bed with you, the dresser is cluttered with bills and there is a basket of clothes (or 2 or 3 baskets) along your bedroom wall (am I telling my business?). Decluttering your bedroom, adding a few romantic items (a picture of the two of you in a sexy embrace, candles and maybe even a romantic book) can do a world of good for your romance.
10. Be silly and laugh
When was the last time you and your spouse laughed until tears were in your eyes? Do you know that laughter can actually be healing? Stop being so serious and just have a good time. Check out your favorite comedian or find a funny movie and just have a good laugh.
11. Encourage your spouse
Remember we all gravitate towards where we receive the most applause. Make sure that you are your spouse’s NUMBER ONE encourager. Speak life, remind your spouse why they are so special, and push them forward when they feel like giving up. Remember, it’s easy to hear the ‘boos’ from the crowd…it’s the applause that sometimes gets drowned out!
12. Stop comparing
Unhealthy comparisons can drain your relationship. And remember, most times we are comparing our relationship or spouse to a standard that may not be what we really think it is. This doesn’t mean that you can’t learn from other people, but be realistic and remember no one has a perfect relationship.
13. Commit to connecting
Anything that is important we make sure we schedule it. A work meeting, a doctor’s appointment, a parent/teacher conference, etc. Why not do the same with our relationship. Schedule 3 or 4 times a year that you and your significant other intentionally connect to talk about your relationship and what is going right and what needs to be improved! (Sign up for our newsletter to get a template to help you with this strategy).
The truth is, none of these strategies will work if we don’t undergird our relationship in prayer. We must invite God in as THE head, as the strategist, as the guide for our relationship. Pray together and separately asking God to create a clean heart in you and to draw you and your significant other together in every area of intimacy possible!
*** If these strategies blessed you, share them with your family & friends via social media! ***