In marriage most of us want to be on the same team as our spouse. As a matter of fact, often we just assume that we will be. But once we move forward in the marriage, we begin to see that it is not as easy as we thought.
So what do you do to position your marriage as a winning team? First, let’s define what a team is for marriage. In marriage a team consists of 2 people with complementary skills coming together to complete a task.
Did you get that? That means you and your spouse don’t necessarily need the SAME skills, but your skills should COMPLIMENT one another. Sounds simple enough but how many times do you get frustrated because your spouse doesn’t SEE things or DO things the way you do?
Remember this! God never intended for YOU to marry YOU….He intended for you to marry someone that allows Him to do what He wants to do through you. That leads us to the other part of that definition: coming together to complete a task.
Some of us need to get an elevated view of our marriage….WE ARE TOGETHER TO COMPLETE A TASK!!! We are to show the beauty of Christ & the Church. How YOU do that is different from how someone else does it, but it’s important that you get clear on your task!
So let’s look at the components of a team. We will talk about what are the habits of a losing team, how to build a winning team and lastly how to be the MVP – most valuable player – on your team!
6 Habits of a LOSING Team
- Losing teams allow one LOSE to define their entire season. In other words, they develop an expectation of losing. So in your marriage for example that means you believe that just because you and your spouse HAVE had hard times, you will ALWAYS have hard times. That is a losing mindset.
- Losing teams stop practicing or preparing for all the different scenarios they may face. So you know that every time your mother comes in town you and your spouse have an argument but instead of identifying what the issues are and making a plan to deal with it, you just let it happen. Losing teams stop prepping for the challenge situations.
- Losing teams lose sight of the bigger picture. This falls in line with getting shook up because of one lose instead of remembering we are still in line for the championship. In marriage, don’t forget what the bigger picture is in your romance.
- Losing teams stop listening to their coach. I want you to think of all the sports greats! From Serena to Jordan to LeBron to Gabby Douglas, winners listen to what their coach has to say. In marriage what is your ultimate coach (God!) saying about your marriage? Tune in to your coach for direction!
- Losing teams stop communicating. Because of the frustration they are feeling, losing teams stop connecting and communicating. This happens in marriage too. We stop communication with one another and then wonder why we aren’t winning. Winner requires open and honest communication and feedback.
So far we’ve talked about what a team is and then habits of a losing team. Now let’s talk about what it will take for your team to win!
How to build a winning team
- Make sure you are on a team that is compatible! A winning team knows what skills each of their players have, they don’t fight one another on the differences in their skills and they intentionally pay attention to how each player’s skills can best serve the team. Follow this same script in your relationship!
- Make sure you Identify what a WIN is! Of course we want to have a victory, but sometimes a “win” is bigger than that. Maybe this year a ‘win’ for your marriage is to not necessarily become debt free but to at least save a certain amount of money. But if you aren’t clear on the win, you may feel defeated when you actually should be celebrating.
- Make sure you constantly revisit the rules for your team. How do you govern your relationship? What is okay and what is not okay? You cannot win if you don’t know the rules!
- Make sure you develop a winning strategy! Every team that wins a championship had a strategy that allowed them to win! In your marriage you and your spouse need a strategy that can give you the plays you need to move towards victory! (Remember by signing up for our “I believe in marriage” database, you can get the template we use for a family strategic plan!)
- Make sure you find the right coach. All of us are being coached by someone whether it’s your best friend, your mother or your pastor. Make sure you are sensitive to whose in your ‘ear’ because that person can either help your team win or sabotage all of your efforts. As mentioned above, God is our ultimate coach, but you also need another person that can coach you and your spouse.
- Make sure you spend time with your teammate. Winning teams are made up of players who know one another. Having camaraderie is important for victory. You and your spouse need to spend time together and really learn one another if you are going to win!
Now that you know what a team is, habits of a losing team and how to build your team to win, it’s time for you to learn how to be the MVP of your team!
4 characteristics of an MVP – most valuable player:
- The MVP puts the team’s goals above their own! Sure, you are superstar material. But if you are going to be the MVP you need to make sure that you know when to put your team’s needs above your own. Maybe this is not the time to quit your job to start that new business; maybe this year instead of your annual girls’ trip, you need to take a family trip. Putting the teams needs first will get you closer to MVP status!
- The MVP is willing to take up the slack when their teammate needs them. Sometimes your teammate might be in a tough situation or struggling in an area. Can you help them carry their weight when they are having a hard time handling it on their own?
- The MVP is consistent and reliable. When it is time for your teammate to throw you the ball are you there ready to catch it? The MVP is not shaky or shady. The MVP is in the right place at the right time.
- The MVP knows their position and they play it well. Whether their position is a point guard or a forward, the MVP knows the role they are to be playing. That’s the same in marriage. Are you clear on your position in the marriage? Do you know the plays and are you playing the well? The MVP doesn’t try and play someone else’s position because they are busy mastering the one God gave them!
Take some time to review this information. Discuss it with your significant other. Identify areas that your team needs to work on! I want to hear from you! Follow us on twitter: @IBIM and let us know your thoughts!