“The minute you flip your Facebook status to “engaged,” you’ll find out all the ways that people treat you differently after you’re married.” A blogger at Madame Noire breaks down. Click HERE to check it out!
There’s no shortage of little ways to show each other love, and just for fun, just because it fills my heart, I’m going to list the little things I’ve learned from you and feature some of the things I’ve seen when searching #staymarried across social media. Maybe you’ll get some ideas of even more little ways you can build your own marriage.
- Warm up the car and scrape the ice off the windshield for your spouse’s car, too!
- If you leave much earlier for work than your spouse, set the coffee timer so they can have a fresh cup when they need it.
- Fold the socks the way he likes, instead of the way you like.
- Replace their bookmark with a love note from you.
- Buy their favorite candy at the store just because.
Click HERE to read the rest!
25 Ways to Communicate Respect by Jennifer Flanders
Actions speak louder than words. You can say you respect your husband, but he’ll have a hard time believing that unless your behavior backs it up.
What does respectful living look like? Here are 25 ways you can communicate respect to your spouse without uttering a word. If you’ll make it your habit to do these things, the next time you tell your husband how much you respect him, he won’t have to wonder if you really mean it.
It’s true: A happy wife makes a happy life. Please don’t use moodiness as an attempt to manipulate your man, but in all things rejoice, because that’s the right thing to do. (1 Thessaonians 5:16; Philippians 4:4)
2. Honor His Wishes Give weight to what your husband thinks is important. Make those things a priority that matter most to him, whether it’s having dinner ready when he gets home from work or keeping the house tidy or limiting computer time. Don’t make him ask twice. (Philippians 2:4)
3. Give Him Your Undivided Attention Yes, I know that women are masters of multi-tasking, but when your husband is speaking to you, make a point to lay other tasks aside, look into his eyes, and listen to what he is saying with the goal of understanding and remembering his words.
4. Don’t Interrupt Have you ever been around a person who won’t let you finish a sentence? That gets old fast. Even if you think you already know what your husband is going to say, allowing him to say it without cutting him off mid-sentence shows both respect and common courtesy.
5. Emphasize His Good Points Sure, he has his faults (as do you), but dwelling on them will only make you (both) miserable. Choose instead to focus on those qualities in your husband that you most admire. (Philippians 4:8)
Click HERE to read the full article
5 Things YOU can do…even when your spouse refuses too – By Robin May
“Robin! My spouse won’t go to counseling”! If I’ve heard that once, I’ve heard it a thousand times. So what do you do when you are willing to work on your marriage but your spouse refuses too? The answer to that question is that you do what you know is right to do.
As a matter of fact, that is exactly what the scriptures tell us. James 4:17 says “Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it.” That almost seems unfair. But the Word is the Word. And if God has given you a mandate, He also has given you the grace to follow the mandate.
Sure…it takes two to tango. So if there are challenges in your marriage it will ultimately require both parties to fully invest in the relationship. But while you are waiting on God to do His GOOD work in your spouse, there are some things you can be doing.
Below are FIVE things you can start to do TODAY to invest in your marriage, even if your spouse isn’t willing to participate. Before we start I have to warn you. These tips are not easy. They are not for the faint at heart. Marriage is for grown folks and often doing what it takes to fight for your marriage requires you to be a REAL adult! Are you ready? Okay…let’s go:
1. Develop a Prayer Strategy
Stop! Trust me. I don’t believe in giving surface responses to deep issues. I am not suggesting that you just say “God help us”. Pay close attention to the word strategy! During your prayer time, I want you to ask God to:
• Change YOU in the area that YOU need to change. It’s so easy to see the issues our spouse has but minimize our own issues. Ask God to help you see what you need to do to improve your marriage. One of my favorite prayer requests gleaned from Author Stormie Omartian is “God give my partner a new spouse and let it be me…”.
• Ask God to saturate your spouse with more of HIM! When your spouse has an intimate relationship with God, it can’t help but improve your marriage.
• Proverbs says that God has the King’s heart in His hands and He turns it however He wishes (Proverbs 21:1). If the King’s heart is in God’s hand, surely your husband or wife’s heart is also. While you may be frustrated in your marriage, trust me your partner more than likely is too. And frustration left unaddressed turns into bitterness which ultimately causes a disconnect in our marriage. With that in mind, ask God to turn your spouse’s heart towards you so that the two of you can reconnect!
• We were created to thrive in community. One of the challenges for many marriages is that the couple lives on an island and rarely interacts with other couples. And then, if and when they connect with others, often those influences aren’t healthy or intentionally focused on growth. As a part of your prayer strategy, ask God to revamp your spouse’s community. Pray for the people that your spouse is closely connected too. Ask God to remove and add according to what is healthy for your marriage.
2. Adopt a NO NEGATIVITY campaign
Let’s be clear! We are not talking about faking it or that false spirituality. Instead, this campaign is based on Proverbs 18:21 that tells us that LIFE and DEATH are in the power of the tongue. If that is the case, we want to speak LIFE over our marriage.
Remember…the way you feel is DIRECTLY connected to how you are thinking. And if your thoughts and words are all negative then of course you will feel negative towards your spouse. So instead, change your speech, which requires you to change your thinking. And as you do this consistently your feelings will begin to align!
Commit to finding SOMETHING that you can speak positively about in your marriage. Make sure you let those you are close to know that while you use to have husband or wife bashing sessions, you can no longer be a part of it. Encourage them to join you on the campaign…you all can help one another!
3. Figure out your spouse’s REAL need
One day a long, long, long time ago (actually…more like last week) my husband came home and before he could get in the door good I was letting him have it. I know. I know. Not “Life Coach Robin May”. But it’s true. I was ranting and raving at him, the kids and even the dog next door. Initially my husband was rightfully frustrated. Remember, he’d just walked in the door and had no idea why I was on a warpath. But eventually something clicked in him…probably the Holy Spirit…and he directed all 3 of our children out of the room and they all went downstairs for the next 2 hours. By the time he came back upstairs I was in such a better space and I (as hard headed as I am) apologized for my rant.
See, Lee was wise enough in that moment to identify what my real need was (time by myself to regroup) and so he did what he could to meet my need.
In the best case scenario you shouldn’t have to guess what the need is…you can ask. But if your spouse is unable to clearly articulate it, try and pay attention to their behavior and ask God to give you the ability to discern the need.
Once you identify the need, do what you can to meet it. Consistently. This is challenging particularly when you feel neglected yourself. But this is when you remember that His strength is made perfect in your weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). Draw on His strength to help you do what you don’t want to do.
4. Identify an accountability partner
I want to be upfront with you. Sticking to these commitments will not be easy. There will be moments that you feel that your best efforts are in vain. Your spouse may not respond positively, and it is in those moments that you will need to have someone to encourage you to keep going.
Your accountability partner needs to be someone that is in agreement with what you are trying to do and will believe God for your marriage even when you don’t!
Recently I was dealing with a few personal challenges and I sent a text to a few girlfriends and asked them to pray. I ended up spending some time with one of my girlfriends a few weeks later and I said to her “when I asked you to pray you never asked me what I needed you to pray about…” . She said “Girl, I don’t have to know any details…when you say pray, that’s all I need to know…I just start to pray”.
See, your accountability partner doesn’t even have to know all the details of your situation. They can just stand in the gap for you as you go through this part of your journey!
5. Seek professional support
If your spouse isn’t agreeable to working on the relationship the way you deem necessary, he/she probably isn’t willing to go to counseling either. But that’s okay! You can go to counseling by yourself. Counseling provides for you a safe place to process all that you are feeling in a healthy and productive way. This process should help you learn coping strategies for your own emotional well-being, give you strategies to express yourself in a more amenable way to your spouse and help you set boundaries where necessary.
I want to hear back from you! Post on our FACEBOOK page and let me know which of these tips seem doable…which seem a bit difficult. Let us know your thoughts as we all support one another on this journey.
Remember to check out Marriage Moments with Life Coach Robin May. We have a library of FREE videos for you and your spouse to watch WITH discussion questions!
Ladies, do you live in the Atlanta area? If so, don’t miss our 4th Annual Celebrating Sisterhood Luncheon happening, Jan 25th! Click HERE to get your ticket!
Article by: Katelyn Carmen (www.familyshare.com)
When I got married, I was amazed at the instant, overwhelming sense of responsibility I felt to love and care for my husband. Suddenly, a huge part of someone else’s well-being and happiness was largely affected by my choices and actions.
Women, we need to be careful about how we are caring for our husbands and marriages. Don’t let the small stuff ruin the things that will bring you the greatest happiness in life.
Here are just a few ways you might be unknowingly destroying your husband and killing your marriage (as a caveat, please understand that although this article is directed toward women, it applies to men as well):
1. Living outside of what you can afford
A wise old woman from my church congregation once advised: “The best thing you can do as a wife is to live within your husband’s means.” Click HERE to read the full article
Pray together. Forgive. Go on date nights. Have sex. A lot of sex. Say I love you. Laugh together. Encourage one another. Whew! After a while marriage can begin to feel like one big “to-do” list! If you are like me, sometimes it all gets a bit overwhelming. But the truth is it doesn’t have to be! Below are 4 things every couple should be doing that you might not be doing…and honestly these are pretty easy to implement. Sure…so many things are important but go ahead and start here and watch the impact these tips have on your marriage.
In addition to praying for your spouse here are 4 more things you should do:
- Vision Cast
Sure you and your friends may be planning to get together for your annual vision board party, but what about you and your spouse? For some reason many couples forget the importance of taking time out of your life to intentionally and strategically plan for your future. Why is this so important? The reality is if we are not careful, we can find ourselves headed in the opposite direction than our spouse and a few years down the road we wonder what happened or where we got off track. Vision casting together (at least once a year, if not more) will make sure you are on one accord. Need help creating a vision plan? Click here and get a Family planning template emailed to you!
2. Be open to feedback
I know. You have it all together and you never frustrate or irritate your spouse. Okay. Now the truth! After navigating “life” together we can easily begin to do things or say things that create tension in our relationship. Many times in order to ‘keep the peace’ your spouse may not share with you the things that are frustrating to him/her. In order to ensure that you both are aware of any concerns or challenges, open the door for feedback. It’s so easy to assume all is well because the “ship” is still afloat. But remember it took 3 years to build the titanic but it sank in just 3 hours. We don’t want something to cause our relationship to sink so ask your spouse to share how you can be a better spouse and love them the way they need to be loved.
- Take a break…alone
Of course couples should want to spend time together and should enjoy one another’s company. But as romantic as we might think it is, relationships become enmeshed when we feel that we must be with our spouse for every free moment. Jesus Himself had to break away from those closes to Him in order to have a little time alone. This doesn’t mean that you need to take an extended vacation without your spouse, but having some “me-time” will make your time together that much better.
- Start & complete a project together
Studies show that couples who accomplish things together have a greater bond than those that don’t. You and your spouse should find a hobby, start a project at home or even commit to volunteering together. Doing so will allow you to share your strengths, support one another’s weaknesses and celebrate once you’ve met your goal!
Implementing these 4 tips will allow you to invest in your marriage in a powerful way! What other tips do you have for couples? Visit our Facebook Page and let us know your thoughts!
Our text messages say a lot about our marriage.
While scrolling through my phone and reading the text exchange between my husband and I, I see a love story.
No, I don’t see a bunch of X’s, O’s and lovey dovey emoticons. But I do see mistakes, arguments, parenting advice and venting sessions. I see two people navigating this life together. I see a parenting partner. I see a best friend. I see a union that thrives on a healthy dose of sarcasm.
When I read our text messages, I see a real marriage.
And I laugh.
1. This may be the most truthful text message I’ve ever sent my husband, but honesty is key in a successful relationship. CLICK HERE to read the full article
1. Play with her hair while the two of you are watching TV. It doesn’t have to be complex, just a little light head touching/hair-messing-with will put her into a near-meditative state.
3. Instead of just asking her where she wants to go for dinner — because you know that she loves when you put in the effort to choose, but is really picky when it comes to what she wants — give her three options that you want to go to (including one or two you haven’t tried before, if possible). It’s the best of both worlds.
4. If you spend the night at her place (or even if you share the place) make the bed while she’s in the shower or getting ready.
5. When she’s on her way home from a big day at work, text her to be like “I’m ordering takeout from [insert her favorite place here] and opening a bottle of wine. What would you like?”
To Read the rest of this article by Chelsea Fagan, Click HERE!
(Article by Ron Edmondson via www.ronedmondson.com)
Here are a 12 ways to make marriage fun again:
Prioritize your marriage – If you want to have fun in your marriage, you have to make your marriage a priority in your life; above your hobbies, work and even your children. All of us would say that our marriage is a priority, but do we practice what we say we believe? Our marriage should take precedence over every other human relationship and every other activity. My wife knows when I am putting her first and when something else has my greatest attention.
Schedule time for fun – We should schedule time to simply enjoy life with our spouse. Everyone I know is busy, but we should make sure our schedule never gets so crowded that we cannot enjoy time with the love of our life. As a pastor, I am never really off work, but I try to be home when I am home. Still, I will often hear my wife, and my boys when they were home, ask me something like, “Are you really listening to me or are you thinking about your next appointment?” We must set boundaries between our home and our work or other activities. Add to your calendar opportunities to have fun together. When is the last time you and your wife went on a date? You can be wise with your expenses and still plan for date nights.
(Click HERE to read the full article)
Ager and Valerie Cheely have been married for 12 years and can attest to God’s faithfulness and favor in their relationship. The couple established CHAT (Couples Hearing About the Truth) in 2011. The heart of CHAT is to coach couples towards restoration, healthy communication and an engaging relationship with one another. Learn more by visiting www.coaching4couples.org.
The day that every girl dreams of is the day that she becomes the “Bride to be”!
All thoughts are set on the wedding day as soon as she gets the ring. Wedding planners, bridal bouquets and boutiques, bridesmaids, groomsmen, the cake; and plans go on for week and weeks; invited guest galore; all getting ready for the day that the “Bride to be” walks through the church doors.
The day arrives after months of preparation and planning to have the best two hours that any girl can imagine. The day is everything you hoped for, everything you dreamed; but what does saying these vows and exchanging the rings really mean?
So much time has been spent on the wedding day, but has there been any thought about the days after when all the guest go away? So focused on this one day, but have you thought about the rest of your life? Your status will change; people will call you by a new last name.
You are no longer a “bride”, you’re now a wife!
When your husband needs encouragement after a long hard day, what kind of wife do you want to be, will you know what to say? It’s no longer just about you; it’s communicating, compromising, and commitment; you to your husband and your husband to you! It’s a call to submission to the one that God ordained to lead, love, and protect you. The excitement that you had from the start, it’s no longer just to get through one day, it’s now a life long journey, ’til death do you part!
So if you are planning to get married, don’t focus so much on the wedding day, because that day quickly goes away. Don’t spend so much time just preparing for the one day; pray and ask God to show you the way each and every day.
You want to be more than just a bride because the “wife to be” is who your husband will want by his side; not just for a day, but for a lifetime!
I can’t begin to tell you how excited I am that you have taken time to check us out! Our community is focused on empowering, equipping and educating people when it comes to God’s plan for marriage.