By Robin May
12 Things Happy Couples Know!
“What can someone else tell me about my marriage?”
“I don’t believe in letting people in my business”
“Just because it works for them, doesn’t mean it will work for us”
These are just a few of the statements that I have heard over the years as to why people don’t seek support in their marriage. While I have very solid responses to these types of reasons, the primary response I stick to is this: “You can keep doing what you’ve always done and you will keep getting what you got” (Bad grammar intended). But if you want to grow stronger in your marriage, staying in solitude and not seeking outside support is not the way to go.
I truly believe what the Bible says, “There is wisdom in a multitude of counsel” and one of the best places to seek counsel is from people who have found success in navigating the marriage terrain!
With that in mind, check out the list I have compiled on the topic of happy couples!
I would encourage you to take a moment and sit down with your spouse to go over these 12 principles that HAPPY couples know. Remember, happiness does not mean there are no issues. Happiness simply means you’ve learned how to navigate the tough spots and rebound effectively.
Before you dive into these 12 reasons, please note you will see the reference to “healthy relationships”. To ensure we are on accord as to what the definition of a healthy relationship is, click HERE.
Let’s dive in!
12 Things Happy Couples Know:
- Happy couples understand they need Jesus and not just on Sunday morning
If you go and stand in a garage that doesn’t turn you into a car. In that same sense, going to church doesn’t make you a Christian. Happy couples understand that if their relationship is going to grow they MUST keep Jesus in the center of their romance. Both parties submitting to Jesus helps to bring you back on one accord when both of you can’t see eye to eye and when life’s challenges seem insurmountable.
- Happy couples realize each marriage has seasons so they don’t get scared during winter
Gary Chapman wrote a book called “Four Seasons of Marriage” where he helps couples understand the different stages of their relationship. Let me normalize this for you! Every couple hits a tough spot. But happy couples know that together they can get through it. That means when they find themselves in a challenging season, while they begin to address the problem right away, at the same time they don’t allow the problem to challenge the overall strength of their union.
- Happy couples give one another the benefit of the doubt
You don’t have to fight every battle. Wise couples know that if they want their marriage to be healthy they can’t make every situation an issue. They have learned the skill of choosing what matters most and so when they decide to speak up it actually matters.
- Happy couples understand that the relationship should be mutually beneficial
Marriage is not, or at least should not, be one sided. Love, support, encouragement, commitment…should be given and received by each person. Happy couples know that there must be give and take in order for the relationship to grow. Each person should intentionally invest in fulfilling the other person’s emotional and relational needs.
- Happy couples are serious about their TEAM and don’t allow outside players to interfere
If you have a brother or sister, I am sure at some point you’ve said “I can mess with them, but you can’t!” That is the mindset of happily married couple. While they might have an issue with their spouse, they don’t take too kindly when someone else does. They know that they are a team and that they are headed towards victory together! They are not open to those outside of the team interfering with their relationship! If there is a problem, they deal with it behind closed doors and then come out to face the issue together as a united front!
- Happy couples are not afraid to give each other space (physical, emotional and even spiritual space).
No one wants to be suffocated and happy couples understand that while they are “one”, they are at the same time two individuals. That’s the miracle of marriage! Happy couples understand that it is okay to take a break from being constantly in each other’s space. They also know that sometimes they need a moment to sort through their emotions and seek God’s wisdom alone. Because mutual respect and trust has been demonstrated, happy couples are not intimidated by a moment away from one another.
- Happy couples intentionally have fun and engage in one another’s interest
Marriage should be fun and happy couples intentionally seek out fun with one another! While they might not have all of the same interests, they look for ways to engage in what their spouse enjoys. They are open to learning new skills, attending games or even doing something neither has ever tried. They make it a point to laugh together because they know it helps to strengthen their bond!
- Happy couples pay attention to what is pleasing to their spouse
Does your spouse like it when you wear your hair curly? Does your spouse like when you wear nice suits? Happy couples pay attention to things that matter to their spouse. Happy couples want to make sure their spouse finds them appealing and attractive so they make sure they are attentive to what matters to their significant other.
- Happy couples yield to one another’s strengths and they fill –in for one another’s weaknesses
While each person should come to marriage as a complete person, all of us have strengths and weaknesses. Happy couples don’t hold their spouses weakness against them, but instead they help to fill in for them in the area where they need support. In the same spirit, happy couples also notice their spouse’s natural gifts and strengths and are willing to yield to their spouse in that area.
- Happy couples are honest with themselves which makes it easier to be honest with each other
Happy couples are not immune to the same challenges other couples face. The difference is that spouses in a relatively happy marriage understand the importance of self-awareness. They are honest with themselves about their shortcomings and areas of growth and therefore when it’s time to deal with tough issues it is easier for them to be honest with their spouse. Happy couples know that honesty is one of the necessities for a successful marriage.
- Happy couples know the importance of picking your battles
There will always be something that you can disagree about. There will always be opportunities for conflict. But happy couples understand the importance of picking your battles. They have mastered letting the insignificant issues go so that when more serious challenges arise they can fully focus on a positive resolution.
- Happy couples are open to influence from one another
Happy couples understand that if their marriage is going to be successful they must consider their spouse as their most valued resource. They understand that leaning on their spouse’s intuition, guidance and advice is wise. The relationship is not one sided with either person attempting to control or dictate to the other. Each person is open to receiving input from the other and they are even willing to make suggested improvements if necessary!